Dear Daughter, I Hope You Keep Your Spark

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I brought you to the library today, to sit and play with the other little ones. You love this place. It is probably your favorite thing to do. There are toys of all kinds spread out across the floor. You jump excitedly from one toy to the next. But it’s not the toys that bring you back each week, it is the other kids. The little crawlers, the tiny tykes, the other walkers, and the big toddlers. You watch them as they play. At first you stay by my side as you gather your courage. Then the spark is lit within, and you are off to wonder and weave throughout the little boys and girls, sitting cross legged on the floor. You approach them one by one, you offer them your toy and you point to theirs. A tiny little gesture asking for an invite. My heart swells up with pride as I watch you try to make new friends.

But then it breaks…

Little ones your age don’t normally play together, only side by side. And many of them have no interest with you coming into their bubble. I watch the little people snub you and I feel my soul grow heavy. They ignore your sweet little gestures and they turn their backs to you. Many of them are not interested in your friendship, they don’t want to share their toys, and they glare at you, hoping that you get the hint to move away from them. I worry that their rejections will damper your mood and I prepare myself to pick up the little broken pieces…

Amazingly, however, I don’t have to. You shrug off their snubs and you move on to the next little boy are girl. Rejection after little rejection doesn’t straighten your smile. You continue to laugh and giggle, eventually finding a toy of your own. You run to me ambitiously to show me what you found. You give me a sweet little kiss and then you are off again, bouncing and giggling, laughing and joyously yelping. Your flame doesn’t falter, and your spark holds steady. Your confidence is endearing, and I could not be prouder.

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Copyright 2019 Messy Mama https://messymama18.com

Please carry that beautiful spark with you, where ever you go. What ever fuels it to be persistently unscathed, I pray you never lose that. I hope you hold on to that with every little once of your beautiful little soul. I hope you carry it with you through the tribulations of this world, never allowing it to break you or tear you apart. If you can only carry on one thing that I embody to you, I pray that it’s this. The fire that keeps your soul and your heart in one piece. That armor that protects you from the ugly, every damaging experience, and every failure. I hope that beautiful, wonderful, and strong piece of you stays with you every step of the way.

I hope that resilience stands with you when you meet your first mean girl. I hope her reflective insecurities bounce right off you. I hope the love you hold in your heart sees into her pain, disassembling her broken words. I hope your beautiful soul outshines someone else’s damages, not allowing it to become your own. I pray your fuel only grows.

I hope your boldness tells you truths about love when someone else tries to feed you lies. I pray your flame burns through the bullshit and swallows it whole. I hope you continue to love yourself enough to keep your boundaries drawn, and your fire disintegrates anyone or anything that tries to cross them. I hope the beauty in your heart keeps the image of yourself strong, never allowing someone else to paint them differently. I hope you love yourself so much and that everyone around you knows that so fiercely, they dare not penetrate or falter it.

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I hope the love in your soul conquers any evil that tries to come your way. I pray you don’t lose your faith, no matter how many times the demons test it. I hope you chose love over hate and you stay gentle, even when life get’s hard. I hope your innocence remains through out each devastation and that you take it head and heart on. I pray that you never give up on your light and that you never want to.

I hope that your determination keeps you going when your bones want you to give up. I hope you remove any negative thoughts anyone tries to place in your head, and you refuse to listen. I hope your spark ignites your ambition before it loses its drive. I pray you never let doubt and fear consume your hopes and your dreams. I hope that you always choose forward regardless of how difficult the path may be. I hope you never allow your spark to go cold and I pray that you refuse to let it die.

My sweet little girl, please don’t ever lose that spark. The fuel that fires all that you are, inside and out. The power that keeps you smiling through toddler snubs, hard falls, little scraped knees, and teary eyes. I hope that little light mends your little heart every time it breaks and your tiny soul every time you get discouraged. I pray that your laugh rings louder than your cries. That you chose happiness and love over hurt and anger. That you keep loving, right through the breakdowns. That your little heart keeps pounding through the wreckage.

I see it, that fire in your soul. I see it through the windows of your eyes. I see it bright and powerful. I see it ignited with the spark that refuses to dwindle and die. I see it and I pray that you never lose it. I pray that it stays with you throughout all your feats. Keep it fueled and protect it. You’ll need it to fight battles and break down barriers. It will be your greatest weapon, your strongest armor, and the key to all closed doors. You’ll stand strong through any storm with a firm foundation and a powerful spark.

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*Disclaimer – Statements made in this post are of my own opinions, views and thoughts. I am not a professional and should not be regarded as such.

*This work, along with it’s images, as well as other posts published by Messy Mama, are protected by copyright laws.

Copyright © Messy Mama 2019 https://messymama18.com

To My Baby, On Your First Birthday

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Copyright 2019 Messy Mama https://messymama18.com

To My Baby On Your First Birthday,

I have written a thousand letters to you in my head, all before you were born. Letters about how bad I wanted you, who I had hoped you would be, how much I had already loved you, and how desperately I wanted to meet you. None of those letters made it to paper because I could not get my fingers to type what my mind, and heart, were thinking. Even now, as my fingers move across the keyboard, I cannot completely explain how truly amazing you are, at just one year old. You have far exceeded all my expectations of you. I will never be able to explain to you, just how beautiful, magnificent, amazing, and gifted you are. I cannot conjure the appropriate vocabulary to fully describe the type of wonderful, little person, you already are.

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Before you had arrived, I already knew you. I had already felt you growing inside of me and had already felt so connected to you. Before they told me that you would be my little girl, I had already known. It’s a feeling only a mother could truly understand. Although, tangibly, I had no idea what to expect, internally, in my soul, I already knew that I loved you so very much.

Time has flown by so fast. From the moment I held you in my arms for the very first time, to now. A part of my heart aches for the time that has already passed. Could you just stay little for a bit longer? Could you slow down and just be my baby for a few more days. I feel you grow bigger each time I hold you in my arms and my heart breaks as I pray for time to stop. Just for a few more minutes.

At the same time, however, I am excited to see how much you have grown and how much of your unique personality already shines through. My heart melts as your hair continues to get longer, your intelligence expands, and your independence spirals. You skim along the couch and I think about how much fun we’re going to have at the playground this year, outside walks with puppy, and cuddles we’ll get to have on the couch as we watch your favorite movies. I anticipate your future likes, your soon to be loves, and all the adventures we will have together in the next year. I can not wait to share all of that with you.

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I am so thankful that I have been fully present, to watch you grow. Being with you, every single day, has been the greatest experience of my life. Yes, this year has flown by, but at least I was able to sit in that racecar with you for every single mile. For that, I am truly blessed.

No, every single moment has not been glamorous, and at times I felt as if I had failed you. I pray that you understand that regardless of those days, I really tried. I tried to be the best mom for you, each and every day. I tried to smile at you every morning, embrace and play with you every day, and kiss you good night at every bedtime. I did my best to encourage you to do it yourself but couldn’t help but come to your rescue maybe a little too much. I fought to meet your tears with a calm and steady heart, but somedays I found myself crying too.

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Copyright 2019 Messy Mama

I may not have it all together just yet, but I promise you that I will be present every single day! As you gain your independence, I’ll try to be better about giving you the space that you need. Just know, when you turn to look for me, I will always be right there.

As you creep into your second year of life, I cry over the wonderful memories we made. I anticipate the little girl you will continue to grow into, and everything we will learn together. I pray that I can be the strong mother you need me to be. I’ll absorb every laugh, wipe away every tear, and cherish every hug.

Happy Birthday, to the greatest little gift life has given me. You truly are magnificent and amazing in every single way. Like you, my love for you continues to grow. Now that I have been blessed with your presence, I could not imagine a world without you in it. I have waited my whole life for you, and I cannot wait to see where this road continues to take us.

I love you with every single drop of my soul.

Love always and forever,

Your Mama

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Copyright 2019 Messy Mama https://messymama18.com

 


 

download
Who is Messy Mama

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*Disclaimer – Statements made in this post are of my own opinions, views and thoughts. I am not a professional and should not be regarded as such.

*This work, along with it’s images, as well as other posts published by Messy Mama, are protected by copyright laws.

Copyright © Messy Mama 2019 https://messymama18.com