Evicting Negative Thoughts and Building Boundaries

Evicting Negative Thoughts and Building Boundaries

Over the course of my lifetime I have collected a number of negative statements that have settled into my thoughts. Thoughts that have taken residence in my brain. Statements that I have acquired through comments from what people have said to me, phrases that I have told myself, and information processed through the ideologies of society. 

These statements play on repeat every single day, and all day long. Statements that make me question my self worth, hate my body, deter me from accomplishing goals, bring on anxiety and depression, and limit me from excelling at my fullest potential. 

You’re not smart enough, you are too fat, too skinny, you are not talented, you’re not pretty enough, you’re not worthy enough, people don’t like you. Do any of these sound familiar to you?

If you are a Dr. Phil fanatic like me, then you have probably heard about his podcast, Phil in the Blanks, where he talks to successful people. He digs into their past to reveal a not so perfect life. He then breaks down their drive, and ambition, to get to the root of what has made them so successful. Characteristics of a goal oriented path; regardless of what lies behind them.

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Photo Credit: philintheblankspodcast.com

In his podcast he includes discussions on helping you, the listener, get their life on track in a series he calls, Living By Design. In this series, he talks about internal dialogue; messages we play over in our minds that can be both positive or negative. He goes on to say that if we take those messages, and we categorize them into factual statements or opinions, then we can determine what is true and what is not. Breaking them down further, he goes on to ask, are your thoughts getting you closer to a goal? If not, get rid of them. 

You telling yourself that you are not good enough is an opinion, it’s not a fact. You believing that you are not talented enough to go after your dreams is not going to get you closer to your goals. If the opinions of yourself are damaging the process of becoming a better you, it’s time to evict them. It’s time to make room for positive thoughts, and facts, that are going to move you forward. 

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Changing Our Internal Dialogue

Positive affirmations are statements you tell yourself every single day that will help you push through obstacles and replace negative thoughts. They are factual statements about yourself that will continually drive you in the direction you want to go.

Telling yourself that you have been eating better and exercising, and you feel great, is a positive affirmation that extinguishes the concern that the number on the scale has not changed. Telling yourself that you are mindful of your behavior towards your children, and are working hard to be an empathetic parent, disintegrates the negative idea that you are a bad mom. Repeating the fact that you have been staying late at your job, to work on your projects, denounces the idea that you are not good enough to ask for that promotion.

Identifying the facts about what is getting you closer to your goal overrides the negative voices you carry in your head. It clears your mind so that you can remain focused on what is important — becoming the person you want to be.

Related Reading: Positive Thinking: Affirmations (My Best Friend Adeline)

Denying Negative Voices

“When the sharpest words wanna cut me down, I’m gonna send a flood, gonna drown them out. I am brave, I am bruised. I am who I am meant to be, this is me.”

This Is Me, Keala Settle and The Greatest Showman Ensemble

It’s true, we’ve carried these negative thoughts with us for a long time. Some of us believe that some negative statements are what drive us, but let me tell you, that is not true. They only hinder our potential and they hold us back. We become afraid to make certain decisions because we think our negative statements are protecting us. They are not there to keep us safe. They’re not shielding us from our fears, they are fueling them. They’re not true, and they don’t belong in your mind. They are not the person you want to be. It’s time to turn them off. It’s time to pull the plug and tell them to move on. Pack them up and ship them out to make room for a better and brighter internal dialogue. 

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Building Boundaries

I spent a lot of time hating what my body had turned into after I had my daughter. My postpartum recovery was long and difficult. For a long time, I felt like I was never going to feel whole again. After a long, excruciating year, I was back on track. I was eating healthy, exercising regularly, and I felt confident again. After fifteen months, I was wearing all of my old clothes again. I felt great, and so very proud of how far I had come. 

That confidence was stolen from me for a brief moment because I allowed a negative statement dictate my train of thought. It was early afternoon. I had just finished feeding my daughter lunch, and had eaten a healthy salad packed with veggies, and fruit. I was wearing shorts, which I had not done in a long time, and I was about to head out to the park to get some exercise with my little one. 

My phone dinged. I had been chatting with my mother. She mentioned a video that she had seen on my Facebook page. At first we were talking about just the video, and then it came, “You look so thin.” 

“The less you respond to negative people, the more positive your life will become.” 

-Paulo Coelho

I knew exactly where the conversation was heading, and I knew that if I didn’t shut it down she was going to make a statement that would ruin my whole day. “I feel great,” I immediately responded. “I’m eating better and I’m working out regularly.” Unfortunately, she didn’t get the hint. She proceeded to tell me that I needed to gain weight. Her words crept into my head and put themselves on repeat. They circled my thoughts like a parasite, and they infected my conscious before I realized what had happened. 

For the next few days, I had an uncontrollable urge for sweets and carbs. I was eating excessively, and I lost my motivation to work out. It wasn’t until I got on the scale 7 days later, and saw that I had gained 8lbs, that I realized what was happening. My mother’s “you’re too thin,” statement festered my anxiety into a binge eating panic. I allowed someone else’s false opinion of me control my actions, and as a result I was the one suffering from it. 

We can not always control how people treat us or stop what they want to say about us. It’s up to us to break down the opinion from the facts, and to deny the negative thoughts. We control us, and we control what plays in our mind. We do that by building boundaries with people who project negativity. We stop taking others people opinions of us personal. 

Don’t be afraid to reject negative comments from others. If they don’t understand that they are being hurtful or demeaning, then maybe that is someone we see less of or reject altogether. Establishing boundaries is an important process when we commit to removing toxic, and negative thoughts from our minds. Refusing to allow any new toxic information in strengthens the positive affirmations, and makes room for true facts that will help you continue to grow. 

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Related Reading: How To Know When It’s Time TO Set Boundaries (Little Miss Short Stuff)

What are you telling yourself that is holding you back from being the you that you want to be? What is keeping you from attaining your goals? Identify them. Then, create positive affirmations that you want to replace those negative thoughts. Make a list. Repeat those to yourself every single day. Every time a negative thought manifests inside your mind, deny it. Push it out. Tell yourself that it is not true, and it’s not going to move you closer to becoming a better you. Then, establish boundaries. Refuse to allow any new negativity in. Put your foot down and be an advocate for yourself. As Dr Phil says in his Living By Design series, ‘The only person you can control is you.’

 


 

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*Disclaimer – Statements made in this post are of my own opinions, views and thoughts. I am not a professional and should not be regarded as such.

*This work, along with it’s images, as well as other posts published by Messy Mama, are protected by copyright laws.

Copyright © Messy Mama 2019 https://messymama18.com

Finding Prenatal Care

*This post is part of The Pregnancy and Delivery Series. Follow Messy Mama for more information on pre-pregnancy, pre-natal and post-natal. Check back for updates.


Finding Prenatal Care

Did you know, that when you become pregnant, you will visit your doctor about 15 times in a 9 month span. That doesn’t include the birth of the child or any other emergency type visits that may occur in between. That’s 15 pre-natal visits from 4 weeks to 40 weeks and any extra time after if you have a late bloomer. You are going to spend a lot of time with the doctor, and/or health center who/that will be delivering your baby, so your are going to want to like them/it. That is why it is important to do a little research once you find out that you are pregnant. 

If you have had a lady-parts doctor that you love and adore, you should still take some time to get familiar with their maternal care, and discuss your delivery plan with them. 

Even if you have already had your first pre-natal visit, you can still search around for a different pre-natal plan.

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Monday Connection (8/26)

Hello Readers,

Welcome to another round of Monday Connection. I am so glad you could join me. I know you have a lot on your plate, mama. So, the fact that you have taken the time to catch up with me is truly wonderful. I am beyond grateful for you!

How was your weekend? Have the little ones gone back to school yet? Did you have a moment with your family before heading back to work today? Are you already anticipating when your partner gets home to relieve you of parental duties? What ever your Monday already looks like, I hope you have taken a moment to take in a fresh breath.

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Last weekend was my first time away from my daughter. I planned a personal retreat for myself so that I could spend some time working on my book. Unfortunately I did not get much book work done. I did, however, spend a lot of time doing a whole lot of nothing. Have you ever had a day when you planned to get things done, but you ended up on the couch binge watching Netflix? Yea, satisfying but not very productive.  Although I regret not using the opportunity, I am not going to hold on to the negative thoughts. Honestly, it helped me recharge my battery. Now I am ready to take on this week.

Don’t let guilt hinder your mom game. Sometimes we just need to take a break and that’s alright. Sometimes we break our promises to ourselves when we promise that we are going to do better. Sometimes trying to be a better you is just too exhausting, so we resort back to the old us. It’s ok, mama. I know you’re doing your best. Today is a new day to take on those promises to yourself again. Don’t give up. Just keep moving forward.

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Traveling With Babies and Toddlers

*This post is a part of the Sunday Morning Coffee Thoughts on my Facebook at messymama18. Like me page and join in on the conversation each Sunday as I discuss motherhood, toddlers, SAHM life, parenting with anxiety, Target, and so much more.

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Morning Coffee Thoughts

If you’ve ever had an infant or toddler strapped in to the back seat while driving through multiple states, or had to bring your screaming child on to an airplane, then you have experienced a little piece of Hell. That’s right! Little humans were not equipped to handle travel very well and they make that pretty clear. If you are among those who were labeled “that asshole” on public transportation, or if you’ve had to endure the torture of a crying child while driving to grandma’s house, then you have acquired another badge in the wonderful organization of parenthood.

Traveling with kids can be stressful and exhausting. If you are traveling with a sensitive kid, however, who hates any type of restraint, hates the unfamiliarity of strange places, and refuses to pee in public facilities, then you my friend have endured the dimension of pure nightmares. Vacations are no longer fun and you would rather stay home. You are not alone in this one. Grab a cup of coffee, take a seat, and let’s discuss Traveling with Babies and Toddlers on this edition of Morning Coffee Thoughts.

Traveling with Babies and Toddlers

 

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It’s Hard

If your baby, toddler, or young child hates the car seat, you have to mentally prepare yourself for endless hours of screaming and crying. Not to mention be “on alert” status you have to put yourself in when your child starts sling shooting toys, sippy cups, bottles, and other things across the seat. I still can’t figure out how I get hit in the back of the head. How is that possible?

If your child is a routine junkie, the mix-up of schedules and daily activities is the perfect antidote for hourly meltdowns. I hope you’re centered, mama, because your patience level is going to drain rather quickly. If you are not religious, you might want to look into praying. Even if it’s to the Wine God’s. Sir Cab, please get me thorough the next 3 hours until I can sneak away to the bar.

If your child is a home-body and hates being away from their own bed and personal belongings, be prepared to never sleep. Like, worse then usual. Just the weird smell of the hotel will be enough to induce nightmares so scary that you’ll start to wonder if your child will ever sleep again. “Why do families even go on vacations,” you’ll ask yourself over and over. You’ll tell yourself how terrible of an idea this was and that you’re never doing it again, but then you do.

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It’s Torture

When packing for vacation, you literally have to pack the entire house. If you are one of those people who over pack, this is going to suck so hard for you. There will be a lot of suitcases, a lot of running back and forth, and remembering to pack everything will never happen. Even if you make a list, you will forget something. This will ruin your entire trip. You’ll either have to spend a ridiculous amount of money purchasing items you forgot, or you’re going to have no other chose but turn around to go get it. So much for being on time.

Your kids will eat more snacks than real food, and when you get home from vacation they will assume this is a new thing. They will try to bribe you for snacks instead of full meals. Stay strong and you tell those stingy little goldfish eaters to back off. They’re just going to have to wait until the next vacation.

So many stops! If you have multiple kids, good luck. No one ever has to go to the bathroom at the same time. Someone is always hungry. Someone loses a purple crayon and we need to pull over to find it. Someone chucked their teddy across the seat and now they need it back. Someone needs caffeine (you). Someone is touching someone. Someone has to go to the bathroom, again.

The amount of crying that takes place always appears to double. There is so much crying. Crying in the car, crying on the plane, the train, in the Uber, in the hotel, at the amusement park. So much crying. How does one person emanate so much liquid from their eye’s. I don’t understand.

For the routiners, we have to organize each day around naps or suffer the consequences of a cranky child. Naps are pretty important in this scenario. If your little one is one of those kids that do not fall asleep where ever and when ever, then one parent has to leave the fun and head back to the hotel so your screaming demon can catch some z’s.

On second thought, let’s just stay home, hunny.

 

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Check out my Sunday Morning Coffee Thoughts video about Traveling with Babies and Toddlers, then follow me on Facebook for more coffee conversations every Sunday.

 


 

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Who is Messy Mama

Contact Messy Mama

*Disclaimer – Statements made in this post are of my own opinions, views and thoughts. I am not a professional and should not be regarded as such.

*This work, along with it’s images, as well as other posts published by Messy Mama, are protected by copyright laws.

Copyright © Messy Mama 2019 https://messymama18.com

 

 

 

Too Sensitive

My daughter cries when she falls. She doesn’t cry every time. Sometime’s she get’s up and goes about her life, but sometimes she cries and looks for me to comfort her. Some day’s it’s because she’s just having a rough day, and the frustration from the fall just adds to her discomfort. Some times she falls hard and hurts herself. 

I’ve seen babies fall and their parents not flinch. Not even move or look in their direction. Some of these kids don’t even react and go about their business. Some whine and cry while their parents barely look up from their phones to murmur a “you’re okay.” 

I’ll admit, there are times I compare my daughter to the tough kids. The ones that never cry or react to monstrous falls that would cause concussions in football players.  Is she not tough enough? Should she be more rugged, more indestructible? Am I enabling her from being more resilient? 

Yes, I respond to my daughter. No, I don’t run to her, fall to the floor, and coddle her, but when she looks for me, I am in eyesight. “Are you okay,” I’ll ask her. If she hit’s hard, I’ll pick her up and comfort her. Most of the time she gets up on her own and lets out a frustrated grunt. So, am I making her too sensitive? 

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Blogger Recognition Award

This is long overdue, and I apologize to my dear friend Jenni for taking so long to pull this together.

My dearest Jenni,

Thank you so much for nominating me for this award. I am blown away by the amount of support you have given me and how much love you send my way. I am beyond grateful for you, and I am so glad that we have connected in this wonderful world of blogging. I am not sure where I would be in this journey if it wasn’t for all of your kind words and continuous flow of kindness.

Thank you, so very much, from the bottom of my heart.

The Blogger Recognition Award

The Blogger Recognition Award is a blogger award that recognizes a bloggers hard work and devotion towards their writing.

My writing and my page mean the world to me, so to receive recognition for all the hard work and continuous effort I put into it is so very humbling. I am beyond honored for this nomination

Guidelines

1.Thank the blogger(s) for nominating you and give the link to their blog.
2.Write a post on your site displaying the award that describes why you started your blog.
3.Write 2 pieces of advice you have for new bloggers.
4.Nominate up to 15 other bloggers that you admire and appreciate.

My Nominator

Jenni, of Housewife Hustle, emanate’s originality from her blog. She is everything realistic and relative when it comes to discussing topics such as motherhood, life, and wellness. She get’s raw about her struggles with her sight and her anxiety. She’s your go to for all your blogging needs. She’s also exceptionally inspiring when it comes to women and our personal fight with body image. Check out her e-book, Eat The Damn Muffin, available on Amazon.

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Messy Mama’s Origin

Messy was the perfect depiction of my journey into Motherhood. After a complicated pregnancy, a rough delivery, and a long search of losing myself in my new role, Messy Mama was born.

I’ve always loved writing, and as a Stay-At-Home Mom, I needed an outlet. Reading inspirational blog posts from Mom’s who experienced my same tribulations helped me climb out of the rut and chaos I found myself in. I wanted to give that back to the new mom’s who were trailing behind me. I wanted to put my experiences out there and maybe reach someone at just the right moment, like other bloggers had done for me.

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Copyright 2018 Messy Mama https://messymama18.com

Since then, Messy Mama has gown, and continues to grow.  I am on a path to a new direction for my blog and I can’t wait to see where it takes me.

Tips for New Bloggers

1. Research! Research! Research! If you are thinking about starting a blog or are brand new to the blogging community, there is an e-city of information at your fingertips that will guide you in the direction you want to go with your blogging. Take the time to dive into discovering where your blog can take you and run with it.

2. Network! Create social media platforms to promote your blog and seek out other bloggers. These people will become your greatest key to help you build and grow your blog, but be genuine. Don’t make friends with the intention of growing just yourself. The friendships I have built from my blogging community have been extremely inspirational and the amount of love I receive is truly amazing.

Nominations

Here are a few people who inspire me everyday. Thank you for your friendship and all of the support you have given me. The amount of hard work and effort you put into your blogs is so motivating. If you were already nominated for this, I am sorry. No expectation required. Just know that I adore you tremendously. That goes for everyone!

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