Surviving The First Year of Motherhood

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As the day’s crept closer to my baby’s due date, I felt as if I was fully prepared. I had read the books, and I scoured the internet for all the must haves. Every article that I read on baby products led me to Amazon. I was going to have all the supplies I needed when baby arrived.

After baby was born, I quickly learned that every baby is different. Just because a parent swears by a product doesn’t necessarily mean that it is a must buy for your baby. I wasted a lot of money on products I didn’t need.

As I got to know my daughter a little better, picking out items that would help both of us, became much easier. Yes, it’s important to be prepared, but sometimes waiting to see what type of baby you will have may save you a little money. As parents, we all understand the importance of conserving cash.

There were, however, some products that I swear by. These helped my child, and me, be more comfortable in our brand new surroundings.

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Easing the Sleep Concerns

Being a new mom is the most frightening experience I have ever felt. I lost a lot of sleep in the beginning months because I was overly obsessed with SIDS. The fact that she has made it to her first birthday has been such a relief for me. I am no longer obsessing about her sleeping situation. When I was, however, these products helped ease the worry a little bit.

Halo Sleep Sack – This wearable blanket let me know that baby was both warm and safe in her crib. The sleep sack kept her snug without concern of loose fabric blocking her breathing. My little one wore these right up until nine months. (The recommended sleep safety with a blanket is after 12 months)

V-Tech Baby Video Monitor – Our baby has been sleeping in the room with us since day one. Even with her being so close, I still kept the monitor on my night stand. I could glance over through out the night to make sure she was sleeping well without having to get up. My husband made fun of me for this, but it eased my anxiety. Having this monitor also allowed me to get things done during nap time without having to continually check on her. A quick glance at the monitor eliminated any hazardous attempt to creep into the room quietly. Equipped with a microphone, I was able to hear my baby cry out for me if I walked away from the monitor.

Going Hands Free

If your baby is anything like mine, then they want to be held all the time. Putting my little one down was a tough job, and usually took multiple attempts. Getting anything done was out of the question. So, I invested in a couple carriers.

Moby Wrap – This wrap was perfect for my baby’s first couple of months. It swaddled her against me, where she felt safe and secure. She would fall asleep snuggled against my chest, and I could walk the dog, do the laundry, wash dishes, and work on my writing.

Infantino Carrier – This carrier was perfect for my baby as she started to grow out of the wrap. I could carry her facing me with her butt and legs supported. As she got bigger, I could flip her around to see the world. This was great for carrying groceries in the house, taking the dog outside for a quick break, and checking the mail. As my little one grows bigger, she can still be carried on my back with a quick switch from front to back.

Overcoming Breastfeeding Challenges

Unfortunately, we ended our breastfeeding journey when my baby was 3 months due to lack of supply and lactose sensitivity. However, I still got to experience breastfeeding long enough to understand just how incredibly hard it can be. These tools helped me stay afloat for a little while.

Spectra Pump – Pumping sucks, both literally and figuratively, but it was great when I needed a break or had to utilize a bottle. The Spectra pump was easy to use and made a newbie pumper like me feel like a pro. Cleaning was a breeze.

Medela Ointment – Whether you pump or specifically breastfeed, those nipples can get pretty sore. Some days I felt as if I could not possibly breastfeed any longer for that reason alone. They were hitting their limit. Once I invested in some good ointment, however, it was a game changer.

Lansinoh Nursing Pads – If you’re nursing then there’s a good chance your going to leak a little bit, if not a lot-a-bit. Nursing pads where a great way to save my clothes from the blotchy patch work of the leaking breast milk. It also kept the ointment off of my bra.

Lounge-wear Bralettes – When it comes to clothes, I have learned to only purchase items that I am going to get multiple use out of. So, I didn’t spend a lot of money on maternity clothes, and I refused to buy nursing attire. I had comfortable and loose pieces already in my closet that were great for breastfeeding. One thing I did purchase were lounge-wear bralettes. The pads stuck wonderfully to them, and they were so comfortable I could sleep in them. They were super stretchy and easy to maneuver. I still wear them today.

Boppy Pillow – This pillow saved my life. I just wrapped it around my waste and stuck my little darling to my boob. If she fell asleep, she would be comfortable and I was hands free to use the remote to binge my favorite Netflix. I continued to use the Boppy during bottle feedings, and it was even a great prop for baby while she learned to sit on her own. At one year old, she still uses it to relax on.

From Trash to Treasure

Hitting on the point where every parent and baby are different – There were a few products that made my life easier, which many parents have stated were useless in their own parenting endeavors.

Bathtub – Many parents that I have spoken with have said that their baby tub was useless. They never even used it, or they used it once and then never again. The baby bathtub was a great investment for us. As a new mom, a baby in water can be nerve wracking. The tub gave us piece of mind with slip free features and it adjusted as baby grew. At 12 months we have ended our journey with the Boon Soak 3-Stage Bathtub and have graduated to the “Big Girl Tubby.” Our new toddler is excited for the foam letters and tub crayons, and I cry over the memories of the baby tub.

Jogger Stroller – I’ve heard a few mom’s say that the jogger was worthless and not worth the money. As a runner, however, I completely disagree. The shocks on the Baby Trend Expedition Jogger Stroller are amazing and it is supper easy to maneuver. Her transition from attached car seat to big girl stroller was a breeze. She giggles when we take it out for a jog. I could not love this thing any more than I do, and swear that it was a great investment.

Sit-In Walkers – Our little tyke was not a tummy gal, but was impatient to explore the world. Once she was able to sit comfortably with support, we plopped her in a sit in walker and there was no turning back. Sit-in walkers can be incredibly dangerous when you are not supervising your child and some studies have suggested that walkers can actually reduce an infants development to walk, so I could understand why some parents were against it. For our little one, however, the Baby Einstein Sea & Explore Walker was a delightful change of scenery, and it helped strengthen her core. As soon as she started pulling herself up, we took it away and introduced the push walker. At 13 months, she is walking just fine.

Gaining Independence

Spending all day with just your mom, with no siblings, and no near by extended family, can be difficult for ones social developments. So, separation anxiety struck us, and it struck us hard. We brought her to a specialist for some expert advice, began baby classes at the local library, and we introduced the Lovey

Blanket Buddy – It’s amazing how much power one little blanket pal can have. This thing has done wonders for our little gal’s development. She’s learning to work through her frustrations and fears, all with the help of this adorable little guy. She doesn’t go anywhere with out it, we’ve had a few close calls with losing it, but it has gotten her through some pretty tough nights and has taken her out of her shell. She went from cocooned caterpillar, to little social butterfly.

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Copyright Messy Mama 2018

Money Down the Drain

In contrast to items we swear by, some products that most parents use religiously just didn’t work for us.

Bassinet – Hated it. Wouldn’t sleep in it! Thank you, Next! (Ariana Grande reference). Thank goodness we went for a simple, not so expensive one because it was a waste.

Pack and Play –“ Yeah right, mom. I am a wild flower. You are not leaving me in that junk!” Placing our little tornado in the pack and play required ear plugs. I never got the hot shower while the little one played peacefully in her pack and play. Nor was I able to get things done around the house while she stayed busy in her little room of excitement. She refused to sit in it, and she definitely would not sleep in it.

Swaddle blankets – Thankfully these were later used as regular blankets. The second our little bean found her hands it was bye bye swaddle. She did not mind the Moby wrap against my chest, but any attempt to wrap her in a swaddle, and the neighbor was calling the police. “Hello, 911, I think there’s a child in trouble.” No, that’s just my screaming burrito.

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Copyright 2018 Messy Mama

Shoes – First of all, as an infant they don’t really serve a purpose other than looking fricken adorable. Unfortunately, our little Thornberry is convinced that they don’t belong on her little feet. As soon as you put them on, she kicks them off. As her walking legs develop, it has been a fight trying to get her use to having paper weights on her feet. Socks have a time limit before they are torn off, but shoes. Nope, not on her feet.

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Copyright Messy Mama 2019

Adjusting to my new life as a mother was difficult for me. I loved my baby more than I could possibly love anyone or anything else. Yet, I just couldn’t figure out the whole mother thing. For my beautiful baby, I did my very best. By her first birthday, I finally began to feel more confident in my own skin and in my new role. That is why I swear by the products that helped me survive my first year. It made my transition into motherhood so much easier, especially during my time of struggle. I would absolutely recommend all of these products to any mom, feeling a bit like a mess, her first year.

 


 

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*Disclaimer – Statements made in this post are of my own opinions, views, and thoughts. I am not a professional and should not be regarded as such. I would not recommend affiliated products that I don’t love and use myself. However, if you purchase a product and are not satisfied, any inquires must be done through Amazon or Target (original origin of purchase). Messy Mama does not guarantee satisfaction.

*This work, along with it’s images, as well as other posts published by Messy Mama, are protected by copyright laws.

Copyright © Messy Mama 2019 https://messymama18.com

 

To My Baby, On Your First Birthday

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Copyright 2019 Messy Mama https://messymama18.com

To My Baby On Your First Birthday,

I have written a thousand letters to you in my head, all before you were born. Letters about how bad I wanted you, who I had hoped you would be, how much I had already loved you, and how desperately I wanted to meet you. None of those letters made it to paper because I could not get my fingers to type what my mind, and heart, were thinking. Even now, as my fingers move across the keyboard, I cannot completely explain how truly amazing you are, at just one year old. You have far exceeded all my expectations of you. I will never be able to explain to you, just how beautiful, magnificent, amazing, and gifted you are. I cannot conjure the appropriate vocabulary to fully describe the type of wonderful, little person, you already are.

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Copyright 2018 Messy Mama

Before you had arrived, I already knew you. I had already felt you growing inside of me and had already felt so connected to you. Before they told me that you would be my little girl, I had already known. It’s a feeling only a mother could truly understand. Although, tangibly, I had no idea what to expect, internally, in my soul, I already knew that I loved you so very much.

Time has flown by so fast. From the moment I held you in my arms for the very first time, to now. A part of my heart aches for the time that has already passed. Could you just stay little for a bit longer? Could you slow down and just be my baby for a few more days. I feel you grow bigger each time I hold you in my arms and my heart breaks as I pray for time to stop. Just for a few more minutes.

At the same time, however, I am excited to see how much you have grown and how much of your unique personality already shines through. My heart melts as your hair continues to get longer, your intelligence expands, and your independence spirals. You skim along the couch and I think about how much fun we’re going to have at the playground this year, outside walks with puppy, and cuddles we’ll get to have on the couch as we watch your favorite movies. I anticipate your future likes, your soon to be loves, and all the adventures we will have together in the next year. I can not wait to share all of that with you.

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I am so thankful that I have been fully present, to watch you grow. Being with you, every single day, has been the greatest experience of my life. Yes, this year has flown by, but at least I was able to sit in that racecar with you for every single mile. For that, I am truly blessed.

No, every single moment has not been glamorous, and at times I felt as if I had failed you. I pray that you understand that regardless of those days, I really tried. I tried to be the best mom for you, each and every day. I tried to smile at you every morning, embrace and play with you every day, and kiss you good night at every bedtime. I did my best to encourage you to do it yourself but couldn’t help but come to your rescue maybe a little too much. I fought to meet your tears with a calm and steady heart, but somedays I found myself crying too.

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Copyright 2019 Messy Mama

I may not have it all together just yet, but I promise you that I will be present every single day! As you gain your independence, I’ll try to be better about giving you the space that you need. Just know, when you turn to look for me, I will always be right there.

As you creep into your second year of life, I cry over the wonderful memories we made. I anticipate the little girl you will continue to grow into, and everything we will learn together. I pray that I can be the strong mother you need me to be. I’ll absorb every laugh, wipe away every tear, and cherish every hug.

Happy Birthday, to the greatest little gift life has given me. You truly are magnificent and amazing in every single way. Like you, my love for you continues to grow. Now that I have been blessed with your presence, I could not imagine a world without you in it. I have waited my whole life for you, and I cannot wait to see where this road continues to take us.

I love you with every single drop of my soul.

Love always and forever,

Your Mama

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Copyright 2019 Messy Mama https://messymama18.com

 


 

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Who is Messy Mama

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*Disclaimer – Statements made in this post are of my own opinions, views and thoughts. I am not a professional and should not be regarded as such.

*This work, along with it’s images, as well as other posts published by Messy Mama, are protected by copyright laws.

Copyright © Messy Mama 2019 https://messymama18.com

She Likes the Sound of Rain, and Her Music Up Loud

My little one’s personality began to blossom when she was just two months old. She does typical baby things, like babble, slam her toys against things, and whine for everything I put my hands on, but her relentlessness is a trait that shines through and through. She knows exactly what she likes and how she likes it and if you do not meet her demands, she is not afraid to speak up. That’s my girl!

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Copyright 2018 Messy Mama https://messymama18.com

As much as I love my girls already strong-willed personality, I know I am in big trouble as she grows, and I am not going to lie, it cracks into my own tough core. I’ve heard that tough women raise tough girls, but this girl breaks me down like you would not believe. Who knew a 6-month-old little girl could make a grown woman cry? I’m getting better at holding my ground, but when little darling reaches maximum crankiness, it’s all hands-on deck.

This past week has been rough for her dad and me. She hasn’t been sleeping well which means we are not either. It normally takes Choreographed Sleeping Rituals to get her to sleep during these times, but lately none of the usual soothing techniques have been working. We just transitioned her to the crib and she had been sleeping well for a while, but it appears that our girls’ preferences are evolving once again.

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Copyright 2018 Messy Mama https://messymama18.com

One thing I have noticed is that she sleeps great during rainy days. Maybe it’s the sound of the rain against her window, or the darkened sky that puts her at ease, but this never fails. She naps like a princess and the quiet moments help clear my head so that I can get some writing in. It’s the perfect set up for both of us. Rainy days have always been my favorite and apparently, I have passed that on.  Unfortunately, it doesn’t rain everyday, but if I draw all the blinds, make it dark and play rain sounds, this works too.

I have recently discovered that she falls asleep faster when the music is up loud. I am not talking about ear damaging decibels, pounding out of the speakers, but the type of volume that covers the sound of everything else around you. It’s loud enough to drown out the excessive noise and it chases away your thoughts. A steady distraction that puts a baby into a calm trance and allows her to slip off into a peaceful slumber.

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Copyright 2018 Messy Mama https://messymama18.com

So, today the rain beats against the window and the music plays on. A perfect day to catch up on sleep and lost sanity.

I Failed at Breastfeeding

I wanted nothing more than to breastfeed my baby. What a beautiful moment between mother and child. A woman, nurturing a tiny human being, uniquely crafted from within her own body. It is a process that has occurred over and over again yet is still pretty amazing. When I became pregnant, I knew without a doubt that I was going to be a mother who breastfed her baby. Why wouldn’t I? It’s beautiful, it’s natural, it’s extremely healthy for the baby, and it’s free. Seems like a logical decision. When I gave birth to my baby, I was not prepared for how incredibly hard it turned out to be.

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I had no idea that something so natural could be so hard. It was like a full-time job and I was losing my mind trying to keep up. I was concerned I was not producing enough and my frustrated baby confirmed that. After each feeding, she would scream and wail for more and I could not give it to her. So, in fear of not providing the nourishment that my baby needed, I substituted what I lacked with formula. As my baby’s appetite grew, regardless of how much I fed and pumped, I could not meet her demands. After two months of struggling between wanting to give my baby what was considered the best nutrition and keeping her nourished, I gave up my fight with breastfeeding and switched to formula.

Breastfeeding for some women comes more naturally than it does for others. I won’t say it’s easy for anyone because no matter how well you are producing it is still hard. Breastfeeding mama’s still have to deal with pain and soreness, leaking, pumping, lack of sleep from having to constantly feed, and not to mention the negative stigma our society has created around feeding in public. If being a mom isn’t hard enough.

Being stuck between wanting to breastfeed and having to bottle feed has given me the opportunity to understand both sides of the debate. So, for that I am thankful, but nothing is more depressing than sitting in a “Baby and Mama” yoga session and watching other mama’s beautifully bond with their babies while they feed, and I am the only one holding a bottle. It was just another painful reminder of the opportunity I was unable to give to my baby. It’s a hard pill to swallow.

This topic has been extremely hard for me. Of course, there is nothing wrong with choosing to formula feed your baby. As a mom, you make the best choices for your baby and your family and no one should ever judge you for that. Personally, however, I would have loved to breastfeed my baby. For nutritional reasons, for bonding reasons, and for slightly selfish reasons.

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I was not a “Glower,” as I like to call it, during my pregnancy. I did not enjoy it and my delivery was chaotic and traumatic, (Me, Baby, and HG), (Surviving a C-Section). Far from what I had imagined it would be. Yes, I know, “New Mama Alert!” I get it never is, but when you plan on an organic pregnancy and birth, and medical emergencies rip you from that plan, it’s selfishly devastating. The overall experience has left me a little dramatized. So, breastfeeding was the last bit of hope I could grasp on to; In the end, I lost that too.

My baby is six months: she’s beautiful, she’s happy and she’s healthy. Her Pediatrician has given me an A+ on her growth and development every time we take her in for a check up and I am a beaming Mama. Yes, I failed at breastfeeding, but that doesn’t mean I failed at being a damn good Mom. I am coming to terms with my decision to switch to formula and as I sit here and watch my giggly girl I know she doesn’t mind.

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Picture Perfect

I love this picture

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It’s a great resemblance of the distorted “perfections” we see every day on social media. This picture is enough to make any parent, who is struggling in their current moment, envious of a beautiful summer day they could not enjoy themselves with their own children. It’s the perfect picture, a new mom with her adorable infant in a popsicle bathing suit and tiny summer hat, wading out into a beautifully scenic lake view. The mother is smiling, and even though we can not see the baby’s face, we assume that she is enjoying herself. It’s an invitation for the inevitable “Fear of Missing Out,” or otherwise known as FOMO. Especially for a mom, who’s hiding in a bathroom, that hasn’t been cleaned in weeks. A mom who is ignoring the screaming kids outside of her door, attempting to find a moment of sanity by scrolling through her phone. ‘Must be nice to be a mom who has it all together,’ she may think to herself.

As jealousy prickles through her, the realities of the photo go unnoticed.

What the photo doesn’t say is that it had been a long, exhausting week. I had showered for the first time in three days and my incredibly adorable baby in her popsicle bathing suit had been extremely cranky. So, when beach day came, I was worn thin. My back, knees, and arms were aching from caring her around for multiple days and I was tired from lack of sleep. I was incredibly irritable from being isolated. The thought of having to squeeze into a swim suit resurfaced my ongoing frustration with my postpartum body issues.

Determined to feel the outside air, I settled on a pair of yoga capris that were too tight and a loose-fitting tank top. I wrestled the tiny popsicle bathing suit onto my squirming infant. I then fought with her to get her into the car seat, and listened to her cry the whole fifteen minutes to the wrong lake. She cried for another ten minutes to the right lake.

We found a shaded spot under a tree where I sat her up on a beach towel. Her attention was drawn to a Nuk I found resting at the bottom of the diaper bag. For a moment, her wails stopped. She played with it and was distracted enough for me to put on her lotion and sun hat without incident. The cool breeze hits us and for the first time that day I took a break from the chaos and looked up. The water was beautiful, the breeze was cool, and there was a perfect amount of overcast to block the beaming sun. I looked down at my giggling baby and I took a deep breath.

We were only there for ten minutes before we had to pack up and leave. Baby was not fond of the cold water and it was almost feeding time.  For ten minutes we got to enjoy a beautiful moment as a family. Baby got her first Summer Day experience and I got some beautiful pictures out of it. Pictures that tell a deeper story than what is seen at first glance.

The saying goes that “pictures say a thousand words,” but honestly, they don’t say enough. They don’t talk about the broken pieces of the day. They only capture the highlighted moments. It’s true that the reality of life should be portrayed a little more on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter. We should all bring to light certain topics that are difficult to discuss, and social media is the perfect platform to do that. So yes, a picture of a mom and her baby enjoying a summer day doesn’t depict a typical day in motherhood. It depicts a rare moment in a typical day. A moment where the chaos stops. We should post more shower-less selfies and unwashed piles of endless laundry. We should show off our spit up stained shirts and our messy houses. We should also enjoy the moments in between.

So next time you’re a mama, threads away from losing it, frustrated because you think you’re the only one who doesn’t have it all together, try not to focus on just the picture. Just because some mama’s don’t discuss their melt downs on social media, doesn’t mean they are not having them. Pictures are frozen moments right before or after tantrums, screaming fits, panic attacks and arguments. Sometimes we just like to highlight the good moments that make all the other rough one’s worth it.

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Transitioning to the Crib

As soon as my husband and I brought our baby home from the hospital, she was over her swaddle. The second she realized she could move her arms, she became obsessed with them. Getting her to lay flat on her back, however, was another story. We tried multiple times to get her to sleep in her bassinet, but she refused. She fell asleep in our arms and woke up immediately once we tried to put her down. We attempted the swaddle once again, but she was over it. So, we did the unthinkable; we put her in the rock and play.

It was the quietest two hours we had gotten since we left the hospital. She slept soundly in it. Determined to get her to sleep safely in her bassinet, I tried several more times in between the Rock and Play breaks, but I failed miserably. Our girl knew exactly what she liked and how she liked it. We had a stubborn baby on our hands. She loved to be cradled and the Rock and Play did just that. Not to mention the soothing sensation of vibration and rocking.

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Copyright 2018 Messy Mama https://messymama18.com

Another feature of the rock and play that played against us was that it was slanted so she sat upright in it, relieving her reflux issues that she had been dealing with. Although all the parenting books, blogs, and articles advised against it, our strong-willed new born won and she got to sleep in her Rock and Play.

For the most part, my husband and I took shifts.  We could get a few hours of sleep in between all her feedings. This meant one of us was always awake with her. This eased my anxiety about the rock and play and we continued to let her sleep in it, that is until she reached three months.

The first night she slept through the night, I fell asleep. Everything was fine, and she slept with out any issues. After multiple weeks of sleeping through the night, however, I knew it was time to transition her to the crib. It was by far the longest process yet.

Our baby settled fine into a night time routine, she slowly overcame the distress of Tummy Time, she has gotten over the car seat for the most part and has even decided at five months that she no longer needs her pacifier. Transitioning to the crib, however, has been the most difficult.

We propped up her mattress to slant it, purchased a special pillow that cradled her in the crib and we started with naps. The toughest part was getting use to setting her down in the crib as opposed to the Rock and Play. After about three weeks between going back and forth between the crib and Rock and Play during naps, she slept for 45 minutes in her crib. After two weeks of that, we were able to take the pillow away. When she spent more time in the crib than the Rock and Play during naps, we zipped her up in her Halo Sleep Sac, fed her a bottle and gently placed her down to sleep and crossed our fingers.

So, two whole months later, we still use the Rock and Play on occasion during naps, (even though her feet hang out of it), but she sleeps in the crib at night. We are currently going through a sleep regression stage and it’s been a rough few weeks. She has given up naps all together and she has been having trouble staying asleep at night. We have dealt with this a few times during her development and we are hoping this is just a phase. We shall see!

I would love to hear any advice from my experienced mamas on crib sleeping and regression. Feel free to comment below.

I’m taking part in the Mummy Monday linky with Becca from Becca Blogs It Out